Still Haven't Slept

It's been more than a month since my last post and I still have not slept. Pretty strange, huh? The partners at my firm seem to think so, too. I billed 600 hours in July. I thought the partners would be impressed and, just maybe, tell me good job.

So far, in August, I have billed ZERO hours. That's right, I'm on leave while the partners investigate my billing practices and my work product. Turns out they move pretty slow on these things. But, I am getting paid. . . .

Well, I have had lots of free time. I have applied that free time to my pursuit of self discovery. You see, skipping sleep and billing tons of hours is not my only special/strange ability. I can jump really high; I'm not sure how high, though.

One evening a couple weeks ago, I was shooting hoops in the driveway, alone. I had a long day of watching soaps and wondering what to do with my time. Finally, just as the sun was setting, I thought a bit of exercise would be nice. I tossed up a couple of shots and started remembering my high-school "glory" days. I lettered in basketball three years, but never got much play time. But I played once in a while. Once, during my Senior year, the coach put me in when we were up by about 25 points. I picked off a pass, dribbled the length of the court uncontested, and jumped with all my might. I soared through the air to the hoop--a bit surprised with how high I was--and threw the ball down toward the hoop, grabbing the rim with both hands. What a rush! Only, the ball clanged off the back of the rim and bounced to half-court. Worst moment of my adolescence. I never tried to dunk again.

So, on that August evening, after sitting around munching Doritoes, my confidence swelled and I thought it was time to try again. I dunked easily. No effort invovled, and that got me thinking, and jumping.

Here's the thing about jumping. When you jump a few inches or even a couple of feet, you know, more or less, where you will land. When you jump really like--say, over a house--predicting your landing gets more difficult. Especially when you don't know what is on the other side. With a little practice and abundant caution, however, it can be exhilarating.

I started out by practicing jumping into my swimming pool at night. I stood across the yard and jumped. Easy. Then I started jumping over a corner of my house, then I tried from the front lawn. I cleared the house (two-stories) without a problem. You might be thinking that it is a bit weird that I can jump over my house, but it gets weirder (more weird?).

I don't know if the wind picked up, or I just slipped a little, but I missed the pool. As I crested the rooftop, I knew I was in trouble because I found the pool moving to my right. As I fell toward my bricked-in barbecue, I thought, "how am I going to explain this to the paramedics?"

Turns out, I'm built stronger than bricks and my barbecue is just a pile of rubble.