Speeding

A word about running: they don't make shoes like they make high-performance radials. While this may seem a bit obvious, you have probably never considered the consequences. In a weekend of racing, a NASCAR crew usually goes through 10-15 sets of tires. Why? Well, you've probable seen the spectacular blowouts on Sportscenter when one of the tires explodes and the whole car spins, flips, and breaks to pieces.

I can run so much faster than NASCAR, which is some kind of rush. There is nothing quite like looking over your shoulder at the ground print of a sonic boom. Every particle of dust, pavement, vehicle, house, and sidewalk shakes and trembles outward from me in a "V." Exhilarating, right?

But stopping and turning at those speeds is the real problem. I've tried Nike, Reebok, Addidas, New Balance, Saucony, and even a Euro-brand called Geox. None of them can perform at my level. Remember that NASCAR crash? That's what happens to me when my shoes blow out. And they invariably blow out. Sometimes it's when I am still accelerating. Sometimes it happens when I try to stop. Sometimes when I turn. It always ends in a crash.

I think I have mentioned that I am virtually indestructible? This is very important when I run. Unfortunately, I still feel pain. So as I tumble, bounce, flip, and skid for six-hundred yards after my shoes collapse, I feel every inch of it.

On a side note, I am getting more attention at the law firm. I'm not billing quite as much per day (I'm down to fourteen billable hours a day) but I am still way ahead of every other associate this year. Still, the Names are concerned with the trend, and not the production. So one of the Names gave me a hard time and warned me not to slip any more. But I don't care, because I have better things to do with the eight hours I should be sleeping.

Despite what may be your impression from reading my blog, I do not use all that time jumping, runnning, crashing, and peering through my neighbors' walls. You see, I have a girlfirend. We've been dating for a few months and I can see it really going somewhere. These new abilities have complicated things, because I don't want her to know about them. No one wants to date a freak: even a super freak.