Busted

A couple of pictures of my crash landing at the Target popped up on Facebook. Don't worry, my face is all blurry and pixelated. Still, it's crazy how these things spread. I guess one of those kids started a "human cannonball" group. It's only been eight days, but I have something of a cult following. I would not mind changing the group's title. I would suggest something, but I can't think of anything appropriate without dancing a cliche tango.

Besides, at this point, it seems to be pretty descriptive of my exhibitions.

I went back to work at the firm. The Names (named partners) decided that I was not lying about my billables and gave me the green light to bill away. Name #1 told me, "keep this up and your name will be next to mine in no time."

I suppose he meant it as a compliment. Afterall, lawyers with names on firms have achieved the pinnacle of law-firm life -- and wealth. But for a guy who can run through the sound barrier and jump over the firm's high rise, having my name on the building seems a little bit petty.

So, I started rethinking my career options. I could make a killing as an athlete. I could pick any sport and be an unstoppable force. Except golf. I just don't have the courage to do it.

I grew up on superhero cartoons and scifi movies. And what I know from such classics as Spiderman and the X-files, is that it is usually best to keep freakish, superhuman abilities secret. I don't know if "They" would really kidnap me and perform strange experiments, but I also don't want to find out.

Oh! I discovered another cool ability: x-ray vision. But before any teenage boys get too exited, I should explain that it is not all its cracked up to be. Sure, I can look through clothes, but when I use it, I also can't help but look through skin, too. So unless you get a kick out of bones, not too thrilling. Besides, I can't help but feel bad about bombarding innocent people with radiation from my eyes.